This Is What It Has Come To

So, I haven't written a blog post in almost a month. But can you really blame me? There hasn't really been a substantial bit of news in that time.

Matt Kemp is dating Rihanna? Good for him, but how sad is it that the biggest news the Dodgers have had in the last month was reported by TMZ?

Big News.

What then, you might ask, is this post about? Well, a small bit of Dodger news was reported today and I'm jumping all over it for two reasons. One: Guilt for not posting anything for about three and a half weeks. Two: I'm starving for any kind of Dodger news. I keep checking Dodger news sites and blogs just hoping for some sign of a pulse in this team's offseason.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, that pulse was found today!

The Dodgers have signed ... RUSS ORTIZ!

HUZZAH! HUZZAH! ...

Wait a second. Russ Ortiz? RUSS ORTIZ?! WHAT?! WHY?!

Look, normally I'm a sucker for these stupid "Local Boy Comes Home to Pitch for Dodgers" stories, but even I can't get behind this one.

Russ Ortiz? Russ Ortiz who's last "just above average" year was 2004? Russ Ortiz who's has been dreadful in every following year (and I mean dreadful, ERAs: 6.89, 8.14, 5.51, 5.57)?

Russ Ortiz, seen here being slightly above-average.

No, no. This is bad. Granted, it's a minor league deal, but my God do I not want to see us have to use Russ Ortiz this year.

Oh, and the Dodgers signed Michael Restovich, too, which immediately places him 7th on the Dodger outfielder depth chart, behind Jamie Hoffmann, who's on another team.